Awhile back, I wrote a blog post revealing a side of myself I keep locked away from people I know. I made reference to eating disorders being a mental disease as well as a physical disease. I’m currently lounging around watching old episodes of True Life and naturally, I watch all the ones that are related to food and body image. The subject interest me in multiple ways because I can see bits of myself in these people.
You see them looking in the mirror and critiquing themselves and pointing out all their flaws, all their physical flaws. They point out physical flaws and relate them back to how they feel. I always relate this back to me after I engage in b/p behaviors. Because I look in the mirror and see my physical self but the reflection isn’t something I know or respect. The reflection is hatred and disgust. At some point, diets turn from hating the reflection in the mirror to hating the person in the mirror.
The hate isn’t in the reflection. It isn’t in the body in the reflection. It’s something bigger than that.