Part of my Goals for 2014 was to read a book a month. I’m going to incorporate this goal into my blog and provide some brief book reviews. Not in the 7th grade English class way. But in the this is my blog and I want to share some of the books I’m reading.
This month, I read Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher. I’ll admit that this isn’t my first time reading this book. But it was the first time reading it for the sole purpose of not trying to trigger myself into a darker place. I’ll also admit that this book did take me about a year to read. Not because it is long or difficult to read, but because it is difficult to read. My struggles were not near as bad as Marya, but like anyone that has struggled, you can relate. And sometimes it takes time to process.
While reading Wasted for what seems like the 20th time (and probably not that much of an exaggeration), I decided to highlight and take notes – just like a good grad student. And while I won’t share everything that I highlighted or all the little scrawls in the margins, there are a few things I want to share.
And so I went through the looking glass, stepped into the netherworld, where up is down and food is greed, where convex mirrors cover the walls, where death is honor and flesh is weak. It is ever so easy to go. Harder to find your way back.
I had a secret. It was a guilty secret, certainly. But it was my secret. I had something to hold on to. It was company. It kept me calm. It filled me and emptied me out.
Would the fall never come to an end?
Wasted gives one of the most raw accurate descriptions of not just eating disorders but the thoughts and feelings one goes through. Marya grabs you in with her raw honesty. The front cover claims that this is a book that can save lives, but I think it should be read with caution. While it can be eye opening, it can also be dangerous. I have been triggered many times by reading this book. But that’s the competitor in me always seeking a new competition. But if you ever want to get a glimpse into the world and the eyes of someone who has gone through eating disorders, Marya does it in an amazing way. She does analogies like no one else.